Jurassic Park (1993) Review

Director: Steven Spielberg
Stars: Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum
Genre: Action, Science fiction

Let me start by saying that this film contains some of the best, most life-like, non-CGI effects ever seen in film. But then again the effects better looking fucking good with a 63 million dollar budget. And really there isn't much else besides the dinosaurs in here that would cost an absurdly amount of money, so it seems like most of the budget did go to the effects.

Adapted from the book, which I haven't read, but I hear it doesn't do the book too much justice. Not unexpected. Though the dinosaurs look superb, there are a number of inaccuracies, mostly with their behavior. But, this is an action thriller so that doesn't even really matter from an enjoyment standpoint (which is what I primarily look for in action thrillers).

Laura Dern was great in this. Jeff Goldblum was... well for some reason I tend to kind of dislike Goldblum as an actor. For no good reason in particular, mind you, I just do. But he had some charm in here. 

One thing that really pissed me off is how the only character that dies is the character that everyone wanted to die, i.e, the lawyer. And it isn't even really too great of a death scene. You can really tell they wanted that PG-13 rating badly. 

[Following paragraph contains slight spoilers] I think Professor Malcolm should have been killed. (and no not because I dislike Goldblum). Seriously though. A few minutes after the lawyer gets killed Professor Malcolm risks his life by being a distraction so that other guy and the kids could get away from the T-Rex. If he had died it would have been a nice little statement on how cowards can die just as easily as heroes can. But no, what do they do instead? They have him get injured and end up surviving just so he can sit on a table with a broken leg for the entire rest of the film barely even contributing any lines. WTF! I repeat: instead of having him die, not only causing emotions in the viewer, but also making somewhat of a statement, they have him lay on a table with a broken leg, contributing nothing to the rest of the plot and hardly saying anything for the rest of the film. Wow. I just remembered that the guy with the shotgun died too. But he was such an unforgettable background character that it hardly even counts. "Clever girl."

Also, some more dinosaur variety would have been nice. There were only a few types, though I'm sure this was a budget thing so whatever. I'm sure the sequels add new dinosaurs, I can't remember. 

But overall it's a standard action film with a few good moments. I liked the scene where you see the velociraptor's shadow on the wall, that was just good directing. The scene with the banner falling that read "Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth" in front of the T-Rex was cool, even though it looked kind of fake. 

The film does a good job of putting the characters in seemingly inescapable situations. You'll always be wondering how they'll get away. Unfortunately the escapes are sometimes a tad unbelievable and ridiculous.

Another thing I've always liked were the enemies. Sure they're just stereotypical dinosaurs but you understand them. You know what the characters have to do when confronted with a T-Rex, stand still. You know they should avoid shining lights at dinosaurs. It lets you know the velociraptors' attack pattern and that if confronted with one you're probably screwed. So that was cool. Which is why more dino variety would have benefited the film greatly. 

Even though the film is just over two hours long, it felt short as hell. Seriously, it goes quick as hell and leaves you wanting more. And I do think that this could have been a much better film if there was more to it. I mean nothing really happens. And the whole ending is stupid as all hell too. It just reeks "family movie". I'd probably even give it a bit lower if I didn't immediately think of Jurassic Park every time I see ripples in a glass of water.   

So yeah, this is worth the watch. It's a fun ride while it lasts but you won't be thinking about it much afterwards. It's a good film for kids too, if you have. 

Pros:

+Good effects

+Fast paced

+Thought out enemies

Cons:

-Childish

-Ending leaves you disappointed and wanting more

-Little dinosaur variety

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Barbarella (1968) Review

Director: Roger Vadim
Stars: Jane Fonda
Genre: Science fiction, Sex Comedy

My goodness, this is pulp science-fiction at its finest.

The film starts out with Barbarella dressed in a spacesuit floating around in a zero gravity room with furry carpet on the walls and ceiling. She then proceeds to strip out of the spacesuit until she is naked, all still while floating in zero gravity and while a 60s pop song plays. That 5 or so minute opening really sums up the film perfectly. Sex + Sci-Fi + 60s = Barbarella. 

The film never takes itself serious and it even makes fun of itself a few times through. I can only imagine this must have been fun as hell for the actors to film. It's pure light-hearted pulp B-movie goodness. Everything from the film to the poster art and misleading subtitle "Queen of the Galaxy" this film breathes pulp sci-fi. The entire film, from effects to plot to visuals to the light-hearted nature, for me, is very reminiscent of Forbidden Planet.

Jane Fonda is of course beautiful, but so are the great set and costume designs. They intentionally make Barbarella ruin her clothing so she can show off in a new costume. I found myself looking forward to seeing what retro outfit she'd put on next (partly because Fonda is stunning, partly because the costume design is awesome, and partly because of my personal interest in fashion). 

The entire film kind of felt like a porno film to me. Not because there's a lot of sex or nudity (there's not), there are only implied sex scenes and no explicit on-screen ones, and there is only some brief nudity here and there. It felt like a porno film because somehow, throughout the film, it always feels like someone is about to have sex. It always seems as if that is what the scene is leading up to, but it never does. Not that that's a disappointment; the film is just filled with tons of sexual tension and innuendos.

It also seemed like nearly every single character was either trying to fuck Barbarella or Barbarella was trying to fuck them. I'm serious. Numerous characters try to have sex with her, and many succeed. Barbarella sleeps with some hairy grizzly man, the leader of a resistance, and she even fucks a fucking angel for Christ's sake. Even all the woman in the film are trying to get into Barbarella's pants. By the end of the film Barbarella is such a slut that the Excessive Machine (a machine designed to sexually pleasure you to death) won't work on her because it can't keep up with her and it eventually malfunctions, leaving Barbarella pleasured but not dead.

The scene in the resistance base was pretty damn hilarious too. And Dildano was an awesome character. 

Aside from great set and costume design this film, believe it or not, actually has some genuine artistic merit. The cinematography I found to be fairly good (for a film of such nature, that is). There were some cool shots and overall the film is pretty visually appealing (and I'm not just talking about Fonda). 

The soundtrack had some great 60s pop tunes. 

It's sexy, it's campy, it's cheesy, it's funny, it's retro, it's 60s, it's French-y, it's awesome.  And ultimately it achieves its goal of translating the erotic pulp Barbarella comics it's based on to film. Though I haven't read the comics thoroughly, it seems that this is one of the best and most truthful adaptions I've seen. 

Of course the plot is silly and ridiculous, but that's what makes it great. Would you really watch this movie for its plot? And sure Barbarella isn't a particularly kick-ass heroine. She is very easily knocked unconscious and her best defense is screaming for help. But none of that matters, and it seems that all of it was intentional. 

And to those who think Barbarella is sexist, well sure Barbarella is kind of a helpless bimbo who uses sex to her advantage (but also for pleasure), but the original Barbarella comics (and the film as well I suppose) did help start and fuel the Sexual Revolution in the 60s. So there's that I guess. 

Some quotes from the film:

"This is a much too poetic way to die."

"A life without cause is a life without effect."

"I'll do things to you that are beyond all known philosophies! Wait until I get my devices!"

Among many others.

The last line of the film is given to the angel, in which he says: "An angel has no memory." I found that pretty funny. Seems like they're implying that no one can be good for as long as they know all the bad, i.e., ignorance is bliss. The angel is also blind so that seems to prove that that's what they were going for. 

So the greatest film ever made? No, I suppose not. But it's enjoyable as hell and very rewatchable. I don't think I'd change very much about the film even if I could.

Purchase Barbarella on Amazon: Blu-Ray - DVD - Stream

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